A dream I had [draft 1]
Everyone has had been dreaming, some dreams are wonderful but others maybe terrible. I had a marvelous dream last night. In the dream I went to school as usual, on my way to school, a witch appeared in front of me out of the blue. She told me that she would attack my school and killed everybody, then she would flew away. It made me afraid, so I ran to school in rush, but when I got to the street behind my school, I was surprised at the condition─ My school was gone! Suddenly, the witch appeared laughing loudly, she said she had cast a spell on everyone to ruin them, with that she indicated that I would be the next one. I tried to escape but in vain, so I decided to fright her and threw a stone at her. To my surprise, she turned into a smoke after been hit by me, then the smoke disappeared. A math book lay on the place where the witch had been. Finally I woke up, this dream may mean that I ‘m really afraid of math and want to avoid it, but after doing this dream I decided to try to overcome this challenge from now on.
posted by Ryuka(暐) at 4:32 AM
6 Comments:
Everyone has had been dreaming, some dreams..>>some dreams應該是新的句子吧!
but others maybe terrible>>may be
would attack my school and "killed" >>kill
, then she would flew away. >>then不能當連接詞
I ran to school in rush>>in a rush
1.Everyone has had been dreaming"." some dreams are wonderful "while" others "are" terrible. 我覺得用while 比較好
2."and" on my way to school
3.then she flew away would不用
4.so I ran to school "in a hurry"
我還是覺得in rush 很怪
5.at the "scene"這樣比較順啦喔
6."fight" her and "I" threw a stone at her.
7.after "being" hit by me
1. she would attack my school and killed everybody那個kill應該用原形就好了
2.then she would flew away這句直接用過去式就好了不用would
3. It made me afraid, so I ran to school in rush, but when I got to the street behind my school, I was surprised at the condition─ My school was gone! 我覺得這一句有一點太長了，而且連接詞用的很奇怪，像那個but我就覺得可以不用再另外成一個句子就好，而且那個I was之前沒有連接詞要不然再自己一句。我是不確定有沒有in rush這個用法，不過我覺得I rushed to the school 就好了
。
4.Suddenly, the witch appeared laughing loudly, 那個laughing前面要逗點
5.Suddenly, the witch appeared laughing loudly, she said she had cast a spell on everyone to ruin them, 那個she said前面要有連接詞
6.I tried to escape but in vain那個but畢竟是連接詞前後結構一樣會比較好，要不然就寫I escaped in vain
7.so I decided to fright her and threw a stone at her 那個to 後面兩個都要原形
8.整篇而言就是斷句不清楚，而且分詞那邊要再加強，重點是時態要一致
1.In the dream I went to school as usual, on my way to school, a witch appeared in front of me out of the blue. 這句太長了,可以做個區隔
2.she would flew away. 可以不加would
3. I decided to fright her 是fight
4.she turned into a smoke after been hit by 是being
5. but after doing this dream I decided to try to overcome this challenge 這句可以單獨成一句,應該不用加but after,在I decided之前要加逗點
She told me that she would attack my school and "killed" everybody, then she would flew away. 用原形would
結尾的Finally I woke up......好像有點太長，也許可以分成兩句。
would attack my school and "kill"
she would flew away. 可以不用加would
I decided to "fight" her and "throw"
the witch appeared laughing loudly,"and" she said she had
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